Here are this week’s shower thoughts.
1-5 Shower Thoughts
1. Telling a dangerously overweight person not to lose weight because they’re beautiful is like telling an alcoholic not to stop drinking because they’re fun.
2. Deciding to become a parent is like choosing to take care of a drunk person for 13 years straight, and a hungover person for the next 5. Then paying for their rehab for the next 4.
3. “Lazytown” was a show in which the protagonists promoted health and criticized unhealthy behavior, such as being on the internet all the time. Now the antagonist of the show is an icon to those who browse the internet all day.
4. Sears started out as a mail-order catalog that would deliver packages right to your door. It was driven to bankruptcy by an internet site that delivers packages right to your door.
5. Emo disappeared because now everyone wants to die and it isn’t special anymore.
6-10 Shower Thoughts
6. Poor 13. It just missed the clock, times tables, the dozen, the apostles, the calendar (months) and is considered the unluckiest number. It can’t get a break.
7. Teachers will be quick to say that a classroom isn’t a place to sleep, but by that logic, a house isn’t a place to study.
8. As teenagers, getting picked up was embarrassing because everyone started driving. As adults, getting picked up is great because you don’t have to drive.
9. Typing “Minimum” on a keyboard is like playing a really crap game of ping pong.
10. At least one Jedi probably killed themselves because they were holding their lightsaber the wrong way around when they turned it on.
11-15 Shower Thoughts
11. 70% of the earth is covered in water but in movies spaceships always crash on land.
12. There must be a portion of deaf people that don’t know gifs are silent.
13. A date is like a two-way interview where both the people are trying to get hired while evaluating whether to hire the other person or not.
14. Storage Wars is basically some grown men opening lootboxes.
15. A face tattoo is actually the ultimate display of wealth, as it represents never having to work another real job for the rest of your life.
Minimum Minimum Minimum Minimum (Just had to do it.)