Here are this week’s shower thoughts.
1-5 Shower Thoughts
1. In 20 years or so, I’m going to have to jailbreak my car to drive above the speed limit.
2. I’m a phenomenal secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don’t care about your sh*t enough to actually talk about it.
3. Even though I have never done it in my life, I am fully confident in my ability to count to 1,000.
4. If I was kidnapped and had my mouth duct taped, I would most likely die because my nose is clogged 90% of the time.
5. The older I get, the more concerned I am that every new ache and pain is going to be permanent.
6-10 Shower Thoughts
6. I would never steal a credit card and use it to pay for stuff, because I’m sure I would not get away with it, but I am scared of people stealing my credit card and using it to pay for stuff because I’m sure they would get away with it.
7. In the 50s people were fantasizing about robots doing all of our work, now people are terrified of it.
8. Anxiety is like a Spidey-sense, that has absolutely no idea what it’s doing.
9. The first thing you get after obtaining a bachelor’s degree is a sudden lack of respect for people with bachelor’s degrees.
10. The older I get, the more I want to get off work early and rush home as quickly as possibly to do absolutely nothing but be a part of my couch.
11-15 Shower Thoughts
11. Go jogging at 5 am and your neighbors think you are an early-riser health nut who probably has to get to work early. Go jogging at 3 am and they think you are a sketchy tweaker who probably doesn’t have a job.
12. I find strangers attractive because they haven’t pissed me off yet.
13. If my boss made me do as much homework as my kids’ teachers make them, I’d tell him to go f*ck himself.
14. I’m a middle-aged man and it just today dawned on me that, if I wanted to, I could buy a chainsaw.
15. Making friends would be a lot easier if it was socially acceptable to ask, “wanna be friends?” at any age.