Here are this week’s shower thoughts.
1-5 Shower Thoughts
1. You know you’re getting older when you transition from not having enough money to buy games to not having enough time to play all the games you bought.
2. The first time a stripper jumped out of a cake must have been the most legendary bachelor party.
3. If I eat my meal from the frying pan at a restaurant, it’s sophisticated and a sign of quality. If I do it at home, I’m lazy and disgusting.
4. Actually making eye contact would be really gross.
5. I am never 100% satisfied with my haircut but I don’t even have a suggestion for what could be better.
6-10 Shower Thoughts
6. Nerf darts cost more than most bullets do.
7. After March, there will be a whole generation of kids that know Emma Watson as Belle instead of Hermione.
8. The most disturbing thing about suddenly switching bodies with another human would be tasting the inside of their mouth.
9. “14 minutes” and “16 minutes” both seem very specific, but “15 minutes” always seems like an estimate.
10. Never once have I been unwillingly redirected to the App Store and thought “Wow, I should totally download this app!”
11-15 Shower Thoughts
11. People are giving Lady Gaga a lot of credit for not lip-syncing, even though actually singing seems to me like it should be the bare minimum expected of a performer.
12. If it were socially acceptable to pause for 6 seconds before I responded to someone, I’d seem a lot smarter, funnier, and interesting.
13. The generation that said “we used to solve our problems on the playground with fists” is the same generation that complains about how much violence there is among kids.
14. The terms “bullsh*t” and “horsesh*t” refer to the truth or untruth of information. “Batsh*t” and “Apesh*t” refer to one’s mental state. “Chickensh*t” refers to someone’s lack of courage or fear.
15. Tinder bots that match must have secret conversations all the time and we’ll never know.