Here are this week’s shower thoughts.
1-5 Shower Thoughts
1. After being in college, I have no idea how I used to go to high school at 8 am every day.
2. Without Mister T, “I pity the fool” would sound like something out of a Shakespeare play.
3. Urban Dictionary will probably be a useful tool for future historians so they can actually figure out what we’re saying.
4. Submachine guns are light, light machine guns are heavy, heavy machine guns are impossible to carry, and don’t even get me started on miniguns.
5. One of the most comforting things you can hear from your classmate is “I haven’t started yet either.”
6-10 Shower Thoughts
6. Imagine watching basketball if humans could double jump.
7. As I continue to go bald, every day is both the worst hair day of my life and best hair day I’ll have for the rest of my life.
8. As a man, I’m never convinced I’m in the right bathroom until I see a urinal.
9. Doctors don’t actually save lives, they just delay deaths. So, they are like Human Life Snooze Buttons.
10. I wish there was a “brain defrag” that would remove junk thoughts and reorder my mind.
11-15 Shower Thoughts
11. In 2017 we are digging up pots and stone spears, but in 3017 we’ll be digging up hard drives and servers.
12. If the universe is infinite and there are infinite realities, then why am I stuck in the one where I have to get up at 7 am in the morning and do the same sh*t every day until I die?
13. You never think about how useful cookies are until you clear them and you have to log back in everywhere.
14. 9 times out of 10 my bladder is what motivates me to get out of bed.
15. The speed limit is the maximum speed you can go by the law and also basically the minimum speed you can go without pissing everybody else off.