Here are this week’s shower thoughts.
1-5 Shower Thoughts
1. Scotch aged 12 years sounds a lot better than Scotch from 2005.
2. I wish I were as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
3. 5 is like an honorary even number.
4. Pregnancy test commercials always advertise people happy the result says pregnant. I bet a lot more people are happy when it says not pregnant.
5. Have we as a species just universally agreed that Snoop Dogg can hit a blunt whenever and wherever he wants?
6-10 Shower Thoughts
6. The worst part about realizing how lonely you are is when you realize you have no one to tell how lonely you are.
7. I walk in video games to explore the landscape and witness the hundreds of man-hours it must have taken to build everything in the city, or landscape. I always drive around my town and I never give any building a second look.
8. We have space travel and self-driving cars, but all I want is Google Translate for dogs so I can talk to them about my day.
9. I hate the month of May because it’s the month you realize it’s not seasonal depression.
10. I wonder how many times I’ve walked by a person who actually found me attractive.
11-15 Shower Thoughts
11. Yawning is like the body’s “20% battery remaining” warning.
12. The popcorn companies and the microwave companies should sit down and figure out this f**king popcorn button issue.
13. I know I’m still young because when a coworker told me she was pregnant my initial reaction was panic for her before I remembered I was supposed to say congratulations.
14. Google Earth must be very frustrating for Flat Earth people.
15. Been cooking in restaurants full time for 6 years, I wonder if I’ve ever cooked someone their last meal.