Here are this week’s shower thoughts.
1-5 Shower Thoughts
1. Dogs are like having children on easy mode. They will eat literally anything, sh*t outside, and won’t ever go to college. And they think you’re the greatest thing in the world just because you are there.
2. It must suck to be an air conditioner repairman. You spend your day working in buildings that have no air conditioning. When it’s fixed and finally cool, you leave.
3. I hate to spend $6.50 on six pieces of raw chicken, but don’t hesitate to spend $5 on one chicken sandwich.
4. You will be exactly half as old as your mother only once in your life, and that is when you are the same age she was when she gave birth to you.
5. A pessimist is always alone. An optimist is always two people away from a threesome.
6-10 Shower Thoughts
6. It blows my mind that there are people too lazy to re-rack weights at the gym. The entire premise of going to the gym is not being lazy.
7. Fool me once, shame on you; Fool me twice, still shame on you because one time is not enough for a pattern to be detected and losing all trust after one bad experience is not practical; Fool me three times and yeah, I probably should have seen that coming.
8. Parents are the opposite of fake friends. They will talk sh*t about you to your face but have your back when you aren’t there.
9. Falling asleep as a passenger on a road trip is almost the equivalent of fast traveling in video games.
10. Restroom air dryers are a great way to warm your hands before wiping them on your jeans.
11-15 Shower Thoughts
11. I would have appreciated taking baths more as a kid if I realized how cool it was to have a tub much larger than my body.
12. You can punish a child once or twice, and he’ll learn to stop doing whatever got him punished. Dogs might need to be punished 3 or 4 times to learn. I can throw my cat out of the room every night until it dies and she still won’t figure out why.
13. “Cool” is the one hip term that never went out of style.
14. Let’s take a moment to appreciate the fact that our teeth don’t itch.
15. Classical orchestras are just really big cover bands.