Here are 5 things you should know.
1. Anything that you say on company-owned communications channels (Teams, Zoom, Email, etc) can be retrieved at any time. Make sure to watch what you say otherwise it could cost you your job!
2. Getting married does not cure a person of jealousy or insecurity.
If you are in a relationship with a person who is jealous and/or insecure about your faithfulness, and this person does things like searching through your phone or constantly asks you who you’re with & what you’re doing, and etc., then marrying that person is not going to suddenly cause that person to no longer be jealous and/or insecure about you and the relationship.
You might think that marriage, which is, in theory at least, the ultimate act to show commitment to another person would cause the insecure lover to no longer to be insecure. After all, you have performed a ceremony that means “I’m faithful to you until death does us part. ” But in reality, that ceremony alone is not going to change a jealous/untrusting person into a more trusting person.
Here’s my friendly, non-professional advice. You need to address your partner’s insecurities head-on. You can talk to your partner about the issue. You can suggest and attend couples therapy to see if your partner’s issues can be resolved. After all, a lot of factors can cause a person to be insecure and a professional actually can help. But, if your partner’s behavior and lack of trust in you is a problem for you, and nothing seems to fix it, then do not marry that person because marriage alone does not fix a jealous/insecure person and the behavior is probably only going to get worse as time goes on
3. Most infant choking deaths happen in the back seat of the car.
If you’re driving with an infant, it is tempting to keep them quiet with something to eat. Young children don’t make noise when choking.
4. The stages of grooming.
Grooming is the process by which you are conditioned and brainwashed to accept abuse.
Abusers will often present themselves as a friend and lull you into a false sense of security, but this is all part of their scheme to normalise the abuse and continue to commit these crimes unnoticed.
Thus, many people find it almost impossible to explain or escape abuse. With groomers striking the perfect balance between causing pain and then providing relief from such pain, you can feel stuck in a perpetual cycle of cognitive dissonance.
Due to this manipulation, victims often suffer from the inability to understand or articulate the complex layers of their abuser’s criminal behaviour. They believe their victim to be a friend due to the insidious process of conditioning they have endured. This is why it is so common for victims, especially child victims to protect their perpetrators.
These are the six stages of grooming that can help others increase their vigilance and report any inappropriate behaviour:
The first phase is Targeting a Victim:
First, the predator targets a particular child. This may be due to their perceived vulnerability or ease of access. Paedophiles will often target victims that are already isolated, appear insecure or have low self-esteem. Child molesters often look out for children with a lack of attachment from their families. This instability creates circumstances which are ripe for abuse.
The next stage of grooming is gaining trust:
The abuser will pose as a friend and ask a series of ‘harmless questions’ to get to know more about the child’s home life and situation. This identifies whether they are a prime target. These questions also enable them to look for needs to exploit. The abuser offers gifts to the child and takes them on special outings that they would otherwise not get from their parents.
The Third phase of grooming revolves around the abuser filling a need:
Children who do not have such a comfortable and loving home life may appreciate the gifts, outings and feigned emotional support that they are being showered with. The child molester strives to be the sole provider of something the child wants or needs. They can act as a sympathiser, a mentor and provide a sense of love and value to the child. Therefore, the child can feel like they are an all-important part of their life that they do not want to lose.
The fourth stage is Isolating the child:
After the perpetrator has forged an attachment with the child they will slowly dissolve their target’s support networks by discouraging contact with others. They may talk mockingly about and discredit the child’s parents or friends. The abuser strives to compromise the child’s relationships with others to solidify a close attachment between them and the child. The child internalises these messages which makes it nearly impossible to escape the abuse.
Next, the perpetrator sexualises the relationship:
They will gradually expose the child to explicit material and start to normalise sex. It may start gradually and subtly as the abuser initiates touch, for example, with hugging or tickling. A child’s natural curiosity is exploited and when the abuse is actually initiated, it is less shocking. The abuser may enforce the message that this is what the child wants, making the child seem to be the one to initiate this process through coercion. This adds to the self-doubt and confusion of victims who can conclude it was their fault or their responsibility to stop it from happening.
The sixth phase of grooming is the most defining – maintaining control:
The abuser will constantly employ confusion tactics and claim that this is normal behaviour, for example, stating that they have a ‘special relationship.’ Predators may also threaten to take away what the child needs if they speak about what happened. A child may be sworn to secrecy for they have nowhere else to go, or may feel like they will be shunned or shamed for speaking up.
As abusers create a perpetual cycle of being the pain and providing relief from that pain, you are driven into a state of cognitive dissonance. These people are masterminds of driving you into total confusion and causing you to constantly doubt whether it is abuse or not. As they have made themselves the only ones in your life shoving a narrative down your throat, you are unable to escape and are left feeling helpless. You are trapped not only physically, but also mentally.
What you can do to help:
- Please believe your child if they reveal their abuse. Perpetrators often seem nice, charming and friendly, but this is a facade for the public eye. Often, only victims truly know who their abusers really are.
- Educate children about inappropriate and appropriate touching and teach them to recognise grooming behaviour.
- Make children and others feel comfortable to open up to you, never shame them for speaking up.
- Learn and teach others what a healthy relationship looks like.
- Teach children about bodily autonomy and consent. Tell them they are allowed to say no if anyone, even a family member wants to touch them. (E.g., hugging)
- Remember, grooming can also happen online and children and adults must be aware of internet safety.
- Also remember that groomers do not only groom victims, but also the people around them such as their family to gain access to the child. Of course not every person may be trying to prey on your children, but please be wary of adults trying to form a close relationship with your child under the guise of being a ‘mentor.’
To stop abuse, we first need to understand grooming
5. When you write a Yelp review there is a good chance that it will never be seen, Yelp “hides” reviews. Some businesses can have more than half their reviews hidden from view, scewing the accurate business rating.
In a class action law suit, many small businesses have claimed Yelp has extorted them and disproportionately hidden 5 star reviews to lower the business accurate rating unless they committed to advertising on the site.
This is why there may be a large difference in rating on goggle versus Yelp. You can view these hidden ads by scrolling to the very bottom of the Yelp page and clicking the very fine text that says “hidden reviews”.
This is important context when looking at businesses online yelp rating, as the rating may be biased and does not completely show all customer reviews. Additionally, for individuals that are leaving reviews to help some of their favorite small businesses, they may reconsider what site they chose to leave their reviews on.
