11. Me: “Something hurts”
Her: “That comes ten days before you die.”
12. “I can’t make you do what I want, but I can make you sorry if you don’t.”
It’s code for “no, but I don’t want to listen to you whine about it right now.”
14. In a heavy Wisconsin accent, “Well other than that, I don’t know much.”
This is her clue that it’s ok for me to say I need to get off the phone now.
15. Here are a few nuggets:
“You gotta plan your work and work your plan!” – she watches too much Dr. Phil I think.
“I’ll slap them into next Tuesday!” – anytime someone gives her flack.
“I had to give up smoking and drinking for four months while pregnant with you!” She’s never smoked and doesn’t really drink 🙂
16. “Stop that crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.”
17. She has so many, and I dunno why this is the one that comes up first in my mind, but she always says “if you can’t open it, you don’t deserve it.” This phrase (which sounds a bit more whimsical in the original Serbian) goes for everything from bags of chips to those plastic packages school supplies come in. She shows no mercy when something’s really hard to unwrap or pry apart.
I have subsequently gotten very good at opening hard-to-open things, and am now the go-to pickle jar guy.
18. She runs through each of the kids’ names before she gets to the one she actually wants to call.
19. “You have diabetes” don’t know why but every single medical problem (even a cough) and this is the first thing that comes out of her mouth.
20. English is my mom’s second language so there are certain things that she gets mixed up. My favorite thing she does that I find incredibly endearing is her saying, “The welcome” instead of “You’re welcome.” I have even started using it with my friends and they use it too.
21. “I made you, I can just as easily destroy you.”
22. “Might as well slit my own throat”, usually said after a mild inconvenience like being told she couldn’t have a cup of tea prior to a medical scan.
23. “Watch your mouth or I’ll goose your balloon knot.”
24. “Y’all gonna make me lose my mind up in here.”
25. English is my mom’s second language, so instead of saying “It’s my way or the highway” my mom says “My way is the highway.”