11. I know every time my ten-year-old tells me she brushed her teeth but didn’t and she just rubbed toothpaste in her mouth to make it smell like she did.
I know my 16-year-old is having sex. I didn’t put her on birth control to “help with period cramps and acne”….maybe she knows I lied there too.
I know my son had sex in my car after I found a condom wrapper in it right after he was nice enough to give his sisters friend a ride home.
12. My parents always knew when my siblings would sneak out and we could never figure out how they knew.
One time my brother was an idiot and got caught sneaking out of a window from our basement. It was winter. They left footprints.
Every sleepover we had my mom would take a picture of everyone’s shoes that night before bed. If they had changed overnight, she knew they snuck out! She would only tell us once we’d all moved out.
13. My 5-year-old knows how to get in the Oreo jar every night after bedtime. He grabs one for his little brother, he also checked with me to make sure I don’t count the Oreos before I put them in the jar.
14. My daughter’s fake Instagram account. She’s a good kid and this is her way of being “edgy” so I don’t see any reason to bring it up with her.
15. My son thinks his bedwetting(peeing) episodes were a secret between his mom and himself. Fact is, I was aware of it every time.
16. She isn’t really crying because she misses her orange plastic dinosaur that was lost a year ago, she’s crying because she’s tired and doesn’t want to admit it.
17. I know that my nephew is gay. I don’t know if my sister knows yet, but I know.
18. Not a parent, but I am an uncle. My nephew seems to believe that I can’t tell if he’s crying for real or not. It’s actually pretty funny.
19. My nearly 2-year-old son seems to love the rewarding experience of finding a lost toy together with either me or his Mum. We’ll hear from the other room ‘Oh!’ then a pause, some rummaging and then ‘Where (for example) Thomas gone?’
He’ll sound more and more concerned before coming in and asking ‘Daddy (or Mummy) see Thomas!’ – basically asking us to help him, which of course we do and usually find it with him.
What he doesn’t know is that we both know he spends a couple of minutes at the start of each day hiding a couple of his toys around the lounge, leaves it a while, and then pretends they’re lost.
What we don’t know is whether or not he can actually remember where he hid them. I assume he can’t, and so must applaud his initiative in creating a genuine problem to overcome together.
20. My 19yo still doesn’t swear in front of us. Tells us she doesn’t talk like that. She pocket dialed me the other day and I heard her drop some f-bombs. It was hilarious, still haven’t told her.
21. I know my three-year-old daughter wakes up every morning, finds my stash of blue raspberry bonbons and eats one before breakfast.
22. Yes, Daniel, I know you pissed into the neighbor’s yard from the top of the tree.
23. Once my older brother spent 10 mins trying to show me how to open the door just right so it wouldn’t make a sound and you could sneak out to smoke weed without our parents knowing. He didn’t believe me when I told him they knew, so at dinner I said: “hey dad, you know Geoff smokes in the backyard, right?” He laughed and said, “yeah, he sneaks through the garage”.
24. I know that she has days when having a disabled parent makes her thoroughly miserable, no matter how much she tries to hide it. I see it and see you kiddo, I know the difference when you are miserable and when you are genuinely happy. You know you can always talk to me, so when you are ready, I’ll still be here with a hug and a cup of cocoa.
25. My toddler thinks she’s invisible when she hides behind the curtains or inside her closet.
Our curtains are not that thick and we usually hear giggling from the closet. We usually pretend we can’t see her and wonder out loud where she could possibly be.
#24 hit me in the feels