11. I fall asleep to the Donkey Kong Country soundtrack every night.

12. The real reason my arm is broken is that I now owe a seemingly unobtainable amount of money to the wrong people all because I tried to help my deadbeat brother out of a bad situation. PSA time people. Drugs can ruin not only your life but your family’s life as well.

13. I had a baby when I was 15 and he was adopted. Closed adoption. Most painful thing I’ve ever gone through.

He turns 18 in a few months and if he so chooses, he can find me. I’m married & have kids now, and my kids have no idea he exists. I really, really want to meet him, but I’m terrified he’s got mental disorders like his biological father.

14. I have a fleshlight buried deep in my closet. I haven’t used it for years. When I did use it I used to shove it in the opening of a filled laundry bag so I would be something with heft and mass. I had some very lonely times in college and that really really helped me through it. I’m too hesitant to throw it away because I don’t want someone to find it. I know the one day I throw it away there will be a freak storm or flood that blows the trashcan over and spills it all over the street. Or the garbage bag will rip. Or it will bounce out of the garbage truck and into the street. So it sits in my closet until the day I die and my family has to discover it.

15. I was at a party with my boyfriend’s Mexican family (at his grandparents). I’ve known them for a while but never been really comfortable around them, they are a pretty snob if you ask me. Anyways, we ate a lot of good Mexican food and then I had to go to the toilet afterward. So I go upstairs because I didn’t really want to take a sh*t on the main floor you know. So I’m doing what I gotta do and I go to flush, but realize that there is no water in the bowl, because they’ve been renovating and the bathroom was not ready yet! So I’m there asking myself what the f**k to do and I decided to call my BF to ask him for help. Next thing, he comes in with a bag and a glove, and I had to take my sh*t out of the toilet and into the bag, which we then hide somewhere in the woods next to the house. A proud moment in my life.

16. One time my wife and I got really drunk. The scallops she ate weren’t sitting well so she went to sit on the floor of a hot shower. I join her and we are just sitting there hugging and she suddenly pukes all over me. Not too bad as we are in the shower anyway. A little later she has to pee and since neither of us wants to move I tell her to just go. So she does, on me.

17. I have 4 sisters (I’m the only guy) and I’ve banged all their best friends.

I don’t say anything because I want my sisters to keep bringing friends home.

18. My friend’s wife doesn’t love him anymore but she doesn’t want to divorce him because of their baby girl. I think they’ll separate in less than a year.

19. My house is currently for sale. Everyone I know thinks I’m moving to a nearby area. I’m actually selling my house, quitting my job, then traveling the world for a few years. I hope to hand my notice in at work before 2017 is over.

20. The first time I had an*l sex, I wasn’t aware that I needed to clean everything out beforehand. It got real messy real quick. I was mortified.

21. Did it with my cousin regularly for a few years till the pregnancy.

22. I could never commit suicide. But I sometimes wonder how easy it would be to just not have to deal with life. The last two years of my life have been emotional, very difficult. It’s gotten a little bit better, but still not where I wish it was.

I use homework as a coping mechanism, and I also use it to get out of my house, where I honestly hate spending time. When I get off work, I try to find things to do, just so I don’t have to sit there alone, falling asleep alone. My bed feels so g*ddamn huge.

23. I spent two years of my life being raped by the guy across the street when I was younger.

It started when I was 10 and he was 15, probably as a game of doctor or truth or dare or some such sh*t. It wasn’t until years later and I looked back and considered the fact that I was in elementary school and he was in high school, that I realized what it was. It finally ended when I was 12 and my family moved away. He was really good at all the grooming, saying things like it was totally natural and that I’d get in trouble if anyone found out. He’d show me p*rn and even got physical a few times. He kicked me in the ribs once and locked me in a closet a few times. When I finally realized what was going on, probably years later when I was 16 and thought about the fact that I was 11 when he was 16 and how screwed up it really was, I knew I’d never tell anyone. I didn’t want my parents finding out. They both had to work full time. I got home from school at 3, my mom at 5, and it normally happened in the hour and a half or so that they weren’t home. I never wanted them to feel like it was their fault that I was sexually assaulted and then raped, so I’ll take it to my grave. My spouse and best friends don’t even know.

24. About 3 months after finding out that my now ex-wife was having an affair and our subsequent split, I got really depressed.

On two separate occasions, I downed a fifth of whiskey and played Russian roulette. Once the bullet was only one chamber over, the other time it was 2 away from the chamber.

I never told anyone about it. I was already getting tons of sympathy and I hated it. I hate when people feel sorry for me so I never told anyone.

25. Literally, the only thing keeping me alive is that I don’t want my children to grow up without a father. If anything happens to them I’m dead.

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Last Update: October 30, 2017