21. That I’m still breathing. After two suicide attempts, I haven’t had a negative thought like that in a long f**king time, a year to be exact. I haven’t had a drink in a few weeks and yeah, I’m starting back at a job that I lost a few years ago. Surprised that they’re giving me another shot. Also, it’s winter but it’s been so beautiful the last week, and when my husband gets off work, we’re gonna go down to the water and just kick it.
22. That I know what Obama’s last name is.
23. On an infinite timeline, I somehow happen to exist at the same time as Rick and Morty and honey mustard and onion pretzel bites.
24. My youngest daughter Emma. She is 1 1/2 years old and just knows how to enjoy every second of life. She wakes with a smile and goes to bed grinning while holding her Winnie the Pooh. She falls while walking and just dusts herself off and keeps going. Every time she hears a motorcycle she says, “Ooooooo” and then “vroom vroom.” (while signing motorcycle)
25. That I am not part of all the horror that is going on in the world.
I am not part of all the BY THEIR PARENTS abused teenagers. I am not living in an area where there are war, hunger, and no education. I have the extreme benefit of living in a good neighborhood, without any criminal activity.
In general, I just compare myself to all the people of my age who have it way worse. Then I realize how lucky I am. How good everything really is.
26. Remembering that statistically speaking, we live in the most peaceful and prosperous time in history, the average lifespan is the longest it’s ever been, and the world is slowly yet constantly getting better for everyone regardless of the situation. It may not always look that way, but on average it is true.
27. I go for a walk. Sometimes a little sunshine will help ease my anxiety.
28. Lack of money isn’t that big of a deal when I remember that I have my health, a job I enjoy, and a partner that appreciates me.
29. I look at my adult kids. They are happy, successful adults. It makes me feel satisfied that I did a good job as a mom.
30. My mom, she died from cancer at the age of 48 while my sister was addicted to Heroin, my Dad was cheating on her and was going through bankruptcy, regardless she still showed people so much kindness and was a fantastic woman who was always smiling.
I have depression and my life isn’t so great right now but I always tell myself that it can get better and that if my mom could live day to day with a smile on her face so can I and I feel more people going through a terrible time can really use an example like her to at least give them a little push in the right direction.
“He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength when the labors increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials, His multiplied peace.
When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.
His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.”
This is a hymn written by Annie J. Flint, who by all accounts, had every reason to be miserable. I recite this to myself when things look bleak and dreary all the time.