21. Being shy. There are some people that don’t get too see my outgoing personality because I don’t want them to. It’s not about meeting strangers or anything, but if I have a bad experience or you do something I don’t agree with, I can’t feel comfortable around you so I will just be passive and quiet.
22. Your kid is very cute and I am very happy that you have what you want.
Oh, look, you’re showing me another picture. Oh, okay, we’re back to talking about your kids.
I don’t give 2 flying f*cks on a giraffe about your children.
I just don’t care about that part and I have to fake it very hard to even act like I give 1 damn. Because I don’t.
23. I fake being very unemotional. In actuality, I’m kinda softhearted when not around people.
24. Pretending not to care about things. Yeah, I noticed all those little quirks you try to hide. That weird way you click your knuckles or wrist constantly, like some sort of compulsion. That you glanced at me for a half-second when you entered the room. Or that my friend gets a hug but I don’t.
I wanted a hug too! I just pretend I don’t care because I want everyone to feel comfortable by going along with the flow.
I also do care about your jokes at my expense, or at someone else’s expense. But they’re not here with us, so I’d rather we just have fun and relax rather than ruin the mood by bringing it up.
Unfortunately being extremely shy can be mistaken for stoicism. I’m not stoic, I’m just very awkward and pretending that I’m not for everybody’s comfort.
25. That I’m fearless. I do things in my life, that are out of my comfort zone, scary, and sometimes dangerous. People automatically assume that I’m not afraid to do these things, but that is very far from the truth. I am afraid. I could tell them, but during my childhood, I was taught that showing fear is a weakness, and I can’t seem to get rid of this lesson.
Admitting my fears are my biggest fear and would be my bravest act, but I’m just not ready to do it yet. Maybe one day.
26. Being professional with professionals. It’s so confining and restricting, and g*ddamn frustrating. But I have no choice but to do it.
27. I feign obliviousness (but not stupidity) so people are actually straightforward or say what they mean outright without playing mind games or not saying what they want. It, oddly enough, helps with more open communication.
Also, it’s quite amusing to see people put in effort into being mean to me then watch as I keep walking pretending that I didn’t understand or simply didn’t notice they’d put in the effort. It makes them deflate like “wait…”
28. When I see my in-laws and act like I’m happy to see them.
29. That I’m an outgoing, friendly person. No, I don’t want to go out, I just wanna stay home. No, I don’t fancy being around people, I just want a conversation with one person.
30. I pretend to find jokes funny in a public setting even if I don’t like them. I figured it makes me much more likable to laugh and also to show fake interest in the lives of others.